For our Words
by supermariolover56
Summary: Sticks and Stones may break ones bones, but words will always hurt you. Setting in 2007 TMNT movie.
1. Chapter 1

For our words

Disclaimer: I DO NOT, and probably never will own Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Summary: Sticks and stones may break ones bones, but words can always hurt you.

Donatello stared with distraught eyes at Leonardo. Their brother. They had caused this to their only big brother. The condition Leonardo was in, was anything but Ok. He was connected to many nutrient wires to help build back up the pounds of weight he had lost.

The eldest brother had always been the second heaviest, next to Raphael. Leonardo had started out a good 204 lbs in pure muscle. Now he was left a mere 99 lbs in human female weight.

The eldest brother had a large tube shoved professionally down his esophagus, traveling all of the way down to his stomach. The tube had a brownish liquid slowly traveling through, to feed the literally starved eldest brother.

IVs filled with more nutrient chemicals, water and blood were connected to both Leonardo's nearly paper white arms. Donatello held a clipboard in his grasp, skimming carefully over his brothers data for any changes. Nothing. Still the same way its been for the past 4 weeks.

Donatello sighed in disappointment due to the fact that nothings changed. Raising his head, the olive green turtle reached over and gently ran his fingers over Leonardo's many, and deep, self inflicted cuts, tears reasonably trickling his eyes as he studied both of the pale turtles

"G-d, Leo. How could we...how could we have done this to you?"  
A loud, sudden beeping knocked the immediate youngest out of his trance. Donatello knew what that meant. Leonardo was full.

The purple masked brother smiled gently at this, placing his clipboard at Leonardo's bed side. Using both hands, Donatello disconnected the tube from the liquidated food, allowing the tip of the tube to be free. The olive green brother shivered as he grasped the tube.

Too many memories came back to him as he even simply touched the tube. The first time he had found out that Leonardo was starving himself dangerously, he had no choice but to immediately force feed him.

But knowing Leonardo, he refused from being controlled over. Using all of the strength he didn't even possess to try and fight against Raphael, breaking both wrists in the process. Donatello shook his head as the images continued to flash in his mind, replaying the whole situation all over again.

_"GET OFF OF ME! LET ME F****** GO!"_

_"LEO! STOP IT! I HAVE TO DO THIS! YOUR GOING TO DIE IF I DON'T!"_  
_Leonardo thrashed violently in Donatello's grasp, absolutely refusing to go into the lab. The moment, the olive green brother had mentioned feeding the forest green eldest, Leonardo completely flipped._

_"RAPH! HELP ME! HURRY!"_  
_Raphael came bolting into the living room, his eyes filled to the brim with a completely unexplained emotion. The immediate eldest hurriedly picked up Leonardo, throwing him over his broad shoulder as he sprinted to the lab, Donatello not far behind._

_ Leonardo continued to scream his heart out, banging on Raphael's shell, trying to yank his body out of the red masked turtles, too strong grip. His panic and fit only got worse as he was thrown into a chair, leaned back, and strapped down._

_"NO! NO! DONNIE PLEA-...!"_  
_Donatello didn't even give Leonardo a chance to say anything before a large tube was making its way down his throat. Leonardo gagged and struggled as the tube moved painfully down his esophagus._

_ The eldest arched his back in pure agony, his eyes rolling to the back of his head. His hands threw themselves up as far as they could go with his wrists being strapped and broken, saliva dripping hastily from each corner of his mouth. Leonardo screamed as the brownish liquidated food went down his throat and gagged as he felt it in his stomach._

_ The screaming lasted for so long, until it turned silent._

Donatello sighed inwardly, lowering his head to stare at Leonardo's covered eyes. The olive green brother lowered his hand to stroke his eldest's face, smiling sadly.  
"Leo? I'm gonna take the tube out now. Brace alright, big brother?"

Leonardo didn't hear him at all, but his body jolted as the tube moved from the inside of him. His back arched, a choked muffled sound releasing from his throat as the long tube was pulled out.

Donatello kept strong concentration and quiet as he removed the tube, not wanting, at all, to hit something important inside of his brothers stomach. Once the tube was removed, Donatello immediately placed Leonardo back on the oxygen.

The fact that Leonardo was, now, so small and his plastron was so heavy, his plastron slightly crushed a part of his lungs, restricting his breathing a bit. Donatello gripped his brothers overly bony hand, stroking Leonardo's forehead gently.

"Leo. I'm so sorry. You've been unconscious for so long, and its all because of what we had been saying to you. I've always known you suffered from anything that had to do with worry, and sometimes even self esteem..but I continued to take advantage of that. Our opinion had always meant so much to you, but we failed you.

It wasn't right, Leo. We led you down a path of dangerous self harm."  
Donatello looked back down to Leonardo's arms, both which were littered with many different self inflicted cuts from his own blades, and rubbed them gently, shivering at the bumps he felt.

"You gave yourself over 67 total cuts, big bro. And thats just on your arms."  
The immediate youngest lightly pulled the heavy blanket from his siblings legs, his eyes automatically widening at the sight of the damage, even though he had seen it so many times.

"On your legs...over 74 cuts total. 56 small cuts on your right leg, and 18 deep ones on your left."  
Donatello stared back up at Leonardo's eyes, which were covered with a wet towel.  
"You can't even close your eyes, Leo. Your too dehydrated. All of the moisture in your eyes are gone.

I had to connect you to a constant supply of water. But it explains why you no longer have any more green in your skin."  
Donatello reached over to gently grip Leonardo's almost, literal, stick of an arm and sweetly massaged his bicep.

"Your body isn't the same anymore, Leo. I'm still trying to get your arms back to at least the size of my hands cupped together. But your body is just too small."

Donatello had tears pouring down his face as he spoke to the deaf ears of Leonardo.  
The immediate youngest brought the eldest's hand up and lips, placing a gentle kiss on each pale-white, boney knuckle.

"Im so sorry, Leo."  
Seconds passed before a soft knock on the lab door was heard.  
"Donnie? Can I come in, bro?"  
Donatello stared up at the medical lab door with the still hard saddened face he held.  
"Come in, Raph."

Raphael slowly, and quietly opened the door to the medical lab, and continued inside. The immediate eldest stopped smoothly in front of Donatello with the same expression as his little brother as he stared down at Leonardo.

The guilt built forcefully as Raphael took in every detail, every wire, every tube involved in his overly weak brother. Donatello shared the same despair, for they were the ones that caused Leonardo's downfall.  
"So..uh..*clears throat quietly* hows he doin', Don?"

Donatello shook and lowered his head for what seemed like the thousandth time that day.  
"He's not doing any better than he was 4 weeks ago. I fear he's getting worse, but it may be my imagination."  
Raphael tipped his head to the side at his immediate youngest's words.

"Donnie, ya can't be imagin'n things like dat. We gotta be sure he ge's his strength back up. Not think of other ways he could die."  
Donatello nodded slowly in understanding as he gently stroked Leonardo's knuckles with his thumb, bringing them back up to his lips for another soft kiss.

"Where's Mikey? How's he taking all of this? Any change?"  
Raphael shrugged, shaking his head as he closed his eyes. Donatello knew Raphael wasn't always one of many words when he was stressed or worried, so it was rather simple to tell that what his emerald brother had said was "no".

"Any negati'e emotion Mikey got trippin' up in his head only increases e'ry damn day. 'Specially his anger. Little man's pissed what seems like 24/7."  
"Oh."  
Michelangelo had not been the same since what they had done to Leonardo.

Anyone wouldn't be, but the youngest had changed majorly. He was angry at everyone. Angry at everything. Angry at himself. Nothing nice no longer came out of the youngest's mouth, and fighting was 8 hours a day, daily with him and Raphael.

Donatello sighed as he stood slowly, stretching the kinks out of his neck and walked over to his immediate eldest with a gentle smile. Raphael held a bland expression as he stared back at his youngest sibling, before nodding and stepping out of his way.

"I'll be back in a little bit, Raph. I just have to go see how Mikey's doing. Its hard for the little one to deal with his emotions in hard times."  
Donatello stopped at the door, his hand held on the door frame to turn and look back on Raphael, his eye ridge up in slight amusement.

"Ya know, big bro. You and Mikey are kinda alike in a way."  
Raphael shot his head around, anger and utter disagreement glittering his features. But before he could speak his protests, his purple clad brother was gone.

The emerald turtle sighed, shaking his head in annoyance as he sat himself in the chair Donatello once occupied and studied his leader. Raphael couldn't even believe his eyes. He couldn't believe himself. He had caused this to his own damned brother.

"We went too far, Leo. We hella went too far."  
The Sai welder reached over and gently stroked his brothers cheek, wincing ever so slightly as he felt almost EVERY bone in Leonardo's face.  
"Damn, Leo."  
Grabbing his brothers fragile hand in his own, Raphael put the appendage to his lips

And allowed tears he had no idea built, fall with no hesitation.  
"M'so sorry, big brother. Im so sorry."  
Raphael gently kissed Leonardo's hand, a silent sob escaping his lips. The red clad ninja suddenly chuckled at a random memory, remembering when him and Leonardo were able to be like this and not have his ego or his pride get in the way.

_"LEO! LEO COME QUICKLY!"_  
_In no time at all, Leonardo was at Raphael's side, panting in panic and his eyes wide._  
_"Raphie what's wrong?! Are you ok?!"_  
_Raphael lunged for his brother, wrapping his tiny arms as tight around his big brother as he could._

_ Leonardo didn't have to say more, already knowing his younger sibling had, had a nightmare. The eldest of the two sweetly wrapped his arms back around Raphael, shushing him gently as he stroked his neck and head._  
_"Shh...its ok, baby brother. Shhhh...dont cry."_

_ The eldest gasped as he felt Raphael literally pull him into the bed with him still silently sobbing. Leonardo smiled gently as he laid them down and pulled the blanket tightly around both of them and tucked Raphael's head under his chin._  
_"Don't worry, Raphie. I'll protect you."_

Raphael sighed in defeat at the memory. It was a damned shame that a memory as brotherly as that was so many years ago. That last time he had ever given Leonardo a hug was when they were about 10. 8 fricking years ago. Raphael was deep in thought, until he felt the TINIEST squeeze to his hand.

The emerald brother gasped as he shot his head up, Leonardo's hand still held tightly, yet gently in his grasp.  
"Leo?"  
The eldest didn't respond, which downed Raphael's thoughts to believe it was merely his imagination. That is until he felt it once again, only a bit tighter.

It was silent for a moment. Silence hit in every direction. Raphael could not even hear the constant beeping of machines. His world and mind set was COMPLETELY on his big brother.  
A loud beeping suddenly sprang throughout the med bay. The immediate eldest was, indeed, confused and surely frightened for a moment but remembered what that beeping meant.

Raphael chuckled lightly as he brought his big brothers hand up to his lips one more time.  
"Ya hungry, big brother? Don' worry, i'll get Donnie. Hang tight, man."  
Reaching over and covering Leonardo's ears, Raphael shouted for his little sibling.  
"DONNIE! C'ME 'ERE!"

Donatello was in the room in a straight heart beat, his hand covering over his heart as he bursted in.  
"WHAT?! WHATS WRONG?!"  
Raphael's lips puckered the side, his eyes hooded at his brothers drama.  
"Nothin'. Leo's hungry. Feed 'im."

The olive green turtle smacked his lips in annoyance, nudging his brother out of the way to reach the tube, and the package of liquid food.  
Raphael had already sat himself on the other side of Leonardo's bed,

His eye ridges raised in wonder. Donatello smiled lightly as he hovered the tube over his big brothers mouth. Taking one hand away, the purple clad brother gently placed his hand on Leonardo's cheek.  
"Ok, Leo. Its time for you to eat again. You ready?"

Donatello, like usual, did not receive a response, but did not want to keep his sibling starving any longer. Donatello lightly forced the large tube passed Leonardo's lips, and made his way down carefully. Raphael's eyes enlarged as Leonardo's hand suddenly tightened greatly in the immediate eldest's grasp.

Leonardo gagged loudly as the tube made its way down, his back arched sharply, the pain being immense as he cried out softly. Raphael winced hard as he could visibly see the tube make its way down.  
"Damn. Oh Damn. Donnie, how much does that tube hurt 'im?"

Donatello didn't respond quite yet, until he was finished with inserting the tube and connecting it to the food source. The immediate youngest sighed, his eyes unseeing as kept his stare on Leonardo.  
"It hurts him very much. But...seeing how he's unconscious, there's really no way he can show that."

Raphael slowly released his brothers hand, and gingerly placed it back upon the bed. One hard movement, and Leonardo's entire arm would be broken, from the shoulder down.  
"Shit."  
The red masked turtle stood harshly, and stomped out of the door, the guilt eating away at him too deeply.

Donatello watched as his brother left the med bay, harshly, but silently shutting the door in the process. The youngest genius lowered his head back down, the guilt also being too strong for him to bear.

Hope ya'll enjoyed. I'll see if I can get another chapter up ;) Read and Review


	2. Furasshu Bakku

Furasshu bakku

Warnings: Blood and Language  
(But there will be a lot of blood)

Michelangelo sighed lowly, staring heavily at the piece of pizza placed in front of him at the kitchen table. So much was running through the young turtles mind. so much he was waiting for. Would his big brother survive? Would he ever be able to forgive himself?

So much ran through the youngest's brain, he hardly noticed Donatello walk into the kitchen and place himself next to him. Michelangelo flinched hard as he heard his immediate eldest speak.  
"Hi, Mikey."  
The orange masked turtles eyes were wide with shock for a short moment, but returned to the depressive state they once stood

Once he noticed who it was, was speaking to him.  
"Oh. H-hey, Donnie."  
Donatello was about to speak once again, but Michelangelo didn't hesitate in just speaking his thoughts.  
"Donnie, why did we say all of that to Leo?"

Donatello's chocolate brown eyes enlarged slightly as he lowered his head down to gaze at the table. Michelangelo had asked that question with so much wonder. Like a young child asking about life or how babies were created. Both turtles sat in pregnant silence to the youngest's question,

The dreadful memory of how it must have all started, sprang through his mind. And he knew, for sure, their words didn't stop just that night.

_"Leo, ya dumb bastard!"_  
_ Leonardo stayed very still as both of his brothers threw everything they had to say at him. Raphael didn't care to hesitate his words._  
_ "Yer the dumbest, most worthless piece of shit in this entire clan, oh fea'less leaduh! How da hell can you be slackin' so damn much now-a-day, huh?! Yer stupidity almost got us all killed! And it got Mikey freakin' stabbed!"_

_ The eldest of them all kept his head lowered to the floor, his eyes unseeing, as his red masked brother chewed him out. Bad._  
_ "I don't know what Master Splinter was thinking to make you our leader, Leonardo. Your leading skills have been awful ever since we were 17. 2 whole years, Leo, and you still haven't improved. What's your problem?!"_

_ Mikey could have died in that pathetic excuse of a plan you came up with, with your tiny brain. I can't believe you!"_  
_ Leonardo slightly raised his head to stare at his unconscious baby brother, dread and massive guilt building up in his stomach like Lego's at Donatello's words._

_ "I..I'm sorry, my brothers. I didn't mea-"_  
_ "Yea, yea, yer stupid ass didn't mean it. Man, shut the f**k up! I have absolutely had it witchyer bullshit Leo! All ya know how ta do anymore is friggin; eat, fail, and train horribly! And EAT! Ya act like a pregnant women; eating 24, G-d damned, 7! F**kin' fat moron."_

_ Donatello gave a short glance at Raphael, a bit shocked at his words. But his shock only died down once he began to agree with him._  
_ "Your weight is becoming a problem Leo. If your going to train, make sure your actually doing it right for one thing, so you can actually get some skills from what you do, and do some weight loss training while your at it."_  
_ Donatello laughed cruelly as he walked off, picking Michelangelo up bridal style, and left the lab._

_ Raphael followed suit, but didn't go without one more stab at Leonardo._  
_ "Ya know somethin, Leo. I always knew ya wasn't perfect. No one is. Butchu ain't good eithuh. Too damn far from it to be any brother of ours. Always a failure. Masta Splintas gonna be pretty disappointed in ya, block head. He's pretty much noticed the mistake he made, ya dumbass reject."_

_ With those words, Raphael was gone._  
_ Leonardo sat in the dark for a long while. Nothing but solid pain and numb misery carved his being. His eyes hazed with a a blank emotion. About two hours passed before Leonardo gave a reaction to his brothers words. A very cold reaction. The eldest began to laugh silently as he wrapped his mind around_  
_ His brothers words._

_ "You guys are right. Your very right. You always have been. Everything about me spells "failure", "mistake", "reject". But i'll change. I'll change in anyway you want me to."_

Donatello sighed at the wretched memory. The intense cause of the reason why his big brother was fighting his hardest to stay alive. Michelangelo was now staring at his big brother, intent on hearing what he was going to say next.  
The immediate youngest rested his chin on his hand as he stared blankly at the wall, keeping the room in still silence.

"I don't know, Mikey. Its too safe to say that we _really_ didn't have a reason to say any of the things we kept up for over 5 months. Its...terrible, that Leo had fallen unconscious just recently. Only 4 weeks ago. The changes in him were slow at first. But as time went by, you could tell how pale he started to get.  
You could tell his appetite _completely_ disappeared and could notice how skinny he was getting."

Michelangelo now had his full attention on Donatello as he spoke.  
"What really started to get to me, was how...physically weak he was becoming, and how emotionally imbalanced he was becoming as well.  
I just...wish that we saw this coming sooner, and I would have been able to save him."

The youngest lowered his head down, his face blank, but shock filled his eyes. He couldn't believe how much their words had affected their eldest. Its dumb, yes, to think that Leonardo would simply let what they were saying just slide. He was like any of them; had feelings, emotions..and they took that for granted and destroyed the person they loved, truly.

Raphael sat at Leonardo's bed side,  
listening to the calming breaths his brother in took. So many thoughts shot through the emerald turtles mind, his eyes narrowing as he couldn't even begin to imagine what Leonardo must have been doing to himself.  
'What da hell was he doin' ta practically kill himself? What was it?'

The immediate eldest sighed heavily. He couldn't act like he didn't know. He couldn't act confused and innocent. He had once WITNESSED one of Leonardo's many self harmings. It had been in the kitchen, if Raphael could remember. But it was the first time, when his big brother was still strong and healthy, about 5 days after their hurtful words. But the red masked warrior knew there hurtful sayings didn't stop just that night.

_ Leonardo stood at the kitchen sink, holding his bleeding hand in his grasp and staring in exasperation. G-d. That blood was beautiful. The way it gushed out of the wound and spread slowly in his hand. It almost brought tears to the eldest's eyes. He had accidentally cut himself while reaching for a knife in the dirty dish water._  
_ But he couldn't be happier at the moment. That cut had felt so...no..that cut felt too good._

_ The leader in blue subconsciously reached for the knife inside of the dish water, his full attention still on his bleeding hand. With the knife in his grasp, Leonardo dug the knife deep into his hand, and drew it across slowly, biting his lip at the pain, but smiling brightly at the pleasure._

_ Then he was suddenly flung around._

_ Raphael walked casually through the lair halls, his exact location heading towards the kitchen. The immediate eldest bumped his head to his music, his lips slightly puckered to the side. No one was supposed to be awake at this time, and he didn't give a damn where Leonardo was._  
_ The turtle in red turned the corner to the kitchen and was met with a very unpleasant sight._

_ Leonardo himself. Raphael sighed in annoyance at even the mere sight of his stupid sibling, and didn't even notice what it was the forest green turtle was doing. But the problem was, the eldest didn't even acknowledge his presence, which just about pissed Raphael off._  
_ Walking forward a bit more, Raphael stood in the middle of the kitchen, about 10 feet from his brother._

_ "So. Leo. Haven't seen ya in a while. But I guess thats just what failures do, ya know. Just disappear. But hey, who wants to see yer face any longuh than 10 seconds, am i right?"_  
_ Leonardo still had his back turned the emerald turtle, not even hearing anything Raphael was saying._

_ The Sai welder grunted in, now anger, as he stomped over to the eldest and spun him around harshly._  
_ "Hey, Leo! I'm-"_  
_ Both face to face, both brothers staring at each other in shock. Raphael stared down at his brothers hands, one holding a knife, the other practically gushing blood._

_ Leonardo was stuck in a haze, until realization hit._  
_ "Uhh..umm...don't worry about me bro, I...I uhhh, cut myself with this k-knife...a-and umm...h-hurt myself. M'g-gonna take c-care of it."_  
_ The eldest swayed ever so slightly, but not enough for Raphael to notice at all._

_ The tiniest bit of concern Raphael once held disappeared in an instant. The immediate eldest rolled his eyes and pushed Leonardo away, not noticing the eldest almost falling off of his feet._  
_ "Yer stupid, Leo. Still weak as hell."_

_ Leonardo's vision was blurring horribly,_  
_The amount of blood he was losing at such a fast rate was taking its toll. But the eldest held himself, not wanting to let his brothers down anymore than he had. Raphael trudged out of the kitchen, his appetite lost by his "brother"._

Raphael sighed for what seemed like, the hundredth time that night.  
"You ain't the one dat failed, Leo. We failed you. I don' know why I didn't jus'...take dat knife away from ya. Hold ya in my arms and tell ya how sorry I was. How sorry I am and how much I love you."  
Tears poured rapidly down the immediate eldest face, his teeth bared in sadness and angst.

"G-d, Leo. M'so sorry. Damnit. Damnit, Leo, I'm so sorry!"

This is just little bits of how Leo started to abuse himself in the first place. Note I said "Started" meaning there's much more to come. Read and Review and tell me what you thing :)


	3. Painful Memories

Painful Memories

Michelangelo stood at his brothers bed side, staring shell shocked at Leonardo's condition. He had seen his leader many times before in his current situation, but he had never been able to get a good look at him. But what he saw...the tears pouring from his crystal gems wouldn't dare stop as the youngest continued to study every detail. His eyes wide.  
"Oh my G-d. W-we did this? We did this to you?! Why? WHY?!"

Michelangelo fell to his knees, and bawled hard. Heart wrenching sobs escaped his throat, his nails digging into his face as he just couldn't except this reality. Just couldn't deal with what they had caused to their own brother. The youngest kept on his knees for many hours.  
Ignoring the many calls of nature that came to him, stuck hazed in deep thought.

The soft creak of the med bay door opening just barely knocked the orange clad turtle out of his trance. Michelangelo slowly turned his head, but not all of the way, to see who it was had entered the med bay. Or Leonardo's new room.  
Raphael stood behind his brother with a blank expression, studying his kneeling brother with understanding.

"Whatcha doin, Mikey? You ok?"  
It took a short while for the youngest to respond. The situation with his eldest brother was too overwhelming, he could hardly speak.  
"I...I'm...I'm just thinkin'...ya know?"  
Raphael pulled up a chair, and pointed to it.

Michelangelo stood up and sat in the chair assigned to him. Raphael then placed himself on the arm of the chair, crossing his arms as he stared at Leonardo, Michelangelo doing the same. Both brothers sat in their silence, the familiar beeping of machines surrounding the air.  
"Ya know, Mikey. Leo, is uh..a really good bro. Dontcha think? M'ean...all he done fer us; the protection,

Stuff like dat. But...da stuff we said to 'im. I don't know how we live with ourselves. I mean, ya Leo was kinda slackin' on us but-"  
Michelangelo didn't know, but what Raphael just said, SERIOUSLY, pissed him off. Bad. Standing up sharply, but quietly, the youngest sprung himself around, his eyes were filled to the brim with anger.  
"What the hell is your problem, Raph?! Leo was NOT slacking! How could you say that?!

How could you let those words come out of your damn mouth?!"

Raphael was shocked for a moment, but it was short lived.  
"Look, Mikey. M'sorry. I didn' mean dat, but-"  
"How are you gonna tell me you didn't mean what you just said, dude?! How the hell do you expect me to believe you?! After all of this time, after everything you f**ckin' said to Leo in the first place! How do you expect me to believe anything you say?!"

Raphael was just as equally angry now. If not more. Michelangelo dared to go there. Dared to go to the things he had said to Leonardo. He didn't mean it. He didn't fricking mean any of what he said. None of it! And Michelangelo dared to think..ah hell no!  
"Mikey! Yer ass betta listen ta me! And you betta listen close! I meant NONE of what I said ta Leo! Just like what I said about him a moment ago! I DIDN'T! MEAN IT! He's my G-d damned brotha fer cryin' out loud!"

Both siblings were on their feet now in each others faces. The fight had started quickly, quicker than Leonardo and Raphael would ever start.  
"You can't convince me, Raph! You are the worst brother in the world! You were the one who tormented Leo the most, and now what position you put our brother in! And I ask again, what the hell is your problem?!"

"You bettah stop throwin' that shit around, Mikey, before it beats ya in the ass."  
The yelling match continued for many minutes, but they didn't notice the major pain they were about to cause. The eldest began to fidget as his two brothers fought and shouted at one another. Leonardo began to mumble in pain as his heart rate sped up dramatically. He didn't want his brothers to fight. He didn't like it.  
Raphael's mouth suddenly snapped shut as a loud beeping he'd never heard before sounded throughout the med bay.

Leonardo's hands were held up weakly, his back arched lightly as his breathing sped up too much.  
"Ahh...ah.."  
Michelangelo and Raphael gazed around in fear. What was happening? That was when Michelangelo's eyes landed upon his convulsing older brother.

"Oh no! Leo!"  
Both siblings rushed to their brothers side, terrified and at a loss at what to do.  
The med bay door suddenly shot open, revealing an overly irate Donatello, his anger radiating off him like UV rays, as he literally trembled in rage.  
"What. The f**k. Did. You. Guys. Do?"  
The immediate youngest didn't give either a chance to respond as he roughly stomped over to his brothers, harshly shoving them out of the way.

Donatello softened his face for a time as he leaned over his convulsing eldest. For one thing, one of the things distressing Leonardo was the loud beeping echoing off of the med bay walls. The olive green turtle shushed Leonardo gently, gently removing the towel over his forced open eyes. Michelangelo and Raphael both uncovered their ears as the beeping finally shut off,  
and gasped at their eldest's eyes.

Donatello ignored his brothers as he stroked his leaders cheeks.  
"Oh, Leo. Shh...please stop. Shh...Its Ok, big brother. Everything's Ok.  
Leonardo slowly began to calm down, his heart beat slowing as he registered his baby siblings comforting words, his breathing still coming fast and raspy.  
"Thats it Leo. Surīpu jōtai ni hairu. Watashi wa koko ni iru yo."

Donatello lowered his head and kissed Leonardo's nose, then his forehead, as he dipped a clean hand towel in a bucket of warm water, folded it professionally, and placed it back on his brothers eyes.  
"Watashi wa, anata o aishite imasu, Yoku nemuru."

With one more kiss on the nose, Donatello slowly turned back to his remaining brothers, the anger he once held, back on face.  
"Alright you two. What the hell did you two do make him so worked up? You two idiots do realise his condition, right?!"  
Both siblings lowered their heads in shame, and didn't bother to hesitate to say what they had done.

"We..uh, we were fighting and-l  
"STOP. Don't go any further. You were fighting? With Leo in the area?! Do you fools want him to die?! Let me tell you guys something. I wish, FOR ONCE, you simpletons would use your brains. Leo can hear EVERYTHING your saying. He can hear it. If you fight, that will DISTRESS him, and put him in a frenzy of panic. Fighting is probably the last thing Leo wants ever again. Especially after what its done to him.  
Now both of you out. I have to take care of our brother now, if you don't mind."

***********

Donatello kneeled at Leonardo's bed side, his head placed gently upon the mattress as he stroked his brothers neck and plastron. The immediate eldest, as usual, had many thoughts racing through his head all at once. But the main thing he couldn't stop concentrating on; was what he had said.  
"Fighting is probably the last thing Leo wants ever again. Especially after what its done to him."

The olive green turtle sighed lowly, stress and agony weighing on him badly. Donatello reached himself up slightly, enough to lie his head upon his beloved brothers chest, and slowly shut his eyes, tears gently.  
"Oh Leo. I don't know what I can do. I'm so scared that you won't come back to me. That I can't be held by you anymore, or praised or told what I've done wrong. I need you in my life, Leonardo. Your more of a father figure to all of us than Master Splinter."

Donatello buried his face in Leonardo's chest and grasped tightly to his brothers hand.  
"Please come back, big brother. I'm so sorry."  
The young turtle was now down in sobs at this point. His shoulders wracking at the thought of not having his big brother anymore. It hurt so much.

***********

Donatello had now built up some courage and will to actually get in the bed with his big brother, his arms wrapped around Leonardo's waist and chest as he the immediate youngest stared at his leaders oxygen mask.  
'That oxygen mask, Leo, is one of the many things of these machines keeping you alive.' Donatello stroked down the forest green turtles cheek, a small smile forming on his face.

"Leo? Don't you remember those times, back before...t-this happened, and you used to be addicted to music?"  
Donatello actually had to chuckle at the memory. Leonardo had LOVED music, still did, and when he listened to it, the eldest showed no shame in moving his body or just dancing around randomly.

*****^*****

_Three brothers sat in the living, all doing their own thing. Michelangelo laid upon the ground, a huge smile on his face as he continued his game of "The Last of Us". Donatello sat on a comfy chair with a look of deep concentration as he typed professionally on his laptop. Raphael sat upon the couch with a magazine held in his grasp, ignoring everyone and everything around him._  
_All siblings seemed happy, but where all startled out of their activities due to the sound of...rapping?_

_All three youngest's shot their heads in the direction of their oldest brother, who strutted across the hall, his headphones in and connected to his phone. The turtles of red, purple, and orange all stared in awe as Leonardo danced across his way, not even noticing his brothers, and rapped, quite well, to his favourite song._  
_"Yeah, hoe, dis the finale. Mah pep talk turn into a pep rally. Say she from da hood, but she live inside da valley, now m'vacate in Atlanta then she goin' back ta Cali. Mm._

_Gotcha girl on my line, worl' on my line. The irony I f**k em at the same damn time. She eyein me like a n*gga don' exis'...girl, I know you want this d**k. Girl. Im Kendrick Lamar, mm, A.K.A Benz is to me just a cah, mm..."_  
_Each brother stared wide eyed after their leader as he disappeared into another hallway. LEONARDO was just...rapping. He was listening to something other than classical or...wait. None of them even knew Leonardo could even rap for one thing. He did that rather professionally just now._

_"D-di...was that just...did Leo just... Michelangelo was the only one who could find words to speak. Just barely. The other two were just straight up, left without words, and could only nod their heads._  
_"Woah."_

*****^*****

Donatello had his face dug into the crook of Leonardo's neck, chuckling softly at the memory.  
"It was really cool, I must say. I never knew you had the ability to rap, Leo. I was very impressed."  
Looking up at his brother with a sad smile, The angel in purple sweetly stroked his brothers forehead.  
"What else are you hiding, Leo? Silly big brother."

It couldn't be helped, but Donatello really couldn't stop his tears, no matter what he said of did. And it didn't help anymore when he thought of the most horrible thing he had seen happen to his beloved big brother. Something they had caused him to do. Leonardo was withering away as time went by. None of them noticed, because at the time, they were being too cruel and heartless to even care.

*****^*****

_Leonardo stood casually in front of the bathroom mirror, an incredibly sharp Kunai in his grasp, and a bottle of stomach seltzers next to his right elbow. The eldest chuckled, then winced as he dug the Kunai deep into his left arm, and cut straight down. Staring with a blank expression, Leonardo allowed many things to run through his mind as he subconsciously sliced more into his arms, his blood dripping hastily onto the floor._  
_His brothers. His children. He had failed them. In every way he could think of._

_Michelangelo had just recently awaken from his comatose injured state, and the youngest remembered every flaw that occurred in Leonardo's plan that got him injured in the first place. The youngest refused to hesitate in telling his eldest off. Told him how badly he had been slipping over time. How much of a failure he was._  
_Michelangelo had also mentioned all of Leonardo's recent failures and told him the most painful words._

_*****€*****_

_"Leo, I freaking can't stand you anymore! Your a disgrace to this family, and a terrible big brother! I almost got all of us killed a lot these past years and no one's gone to just tell you to stop trying! Your stupid self is always saying how you want to protect us and all that bullshit! But ya know what, dude?! You don't have the mind or abilities of being a leader anymore, and from now on, anything you "order" me to do is gonna come in one ear, and right out the other!_  
_Anything you say isn't worth listening to anyway."_

_*****€*****_

_Michelangelo had walked off with no other words after that, leaving Leonardo's heart in tiny broken pieces. He had lost all of his children after Michelangelo. Absolutely NOTHING was worth living for after that. Still nothing was. Leonardo sighed as he cleaned the blood off of his Kunai, and reached for the stomach seltzer pills. The eldest smiled as he poured 5 pills into his hand, and popped them raw._  
_And it didn't take long for the pills to take effect._

_Leonardo's pearl black eyes narrowed to mere slits as he grunted in agony. The eldest cried out lowly as he clasped his arms around his stomach and fell to his knees. Tears began to pour from the pale turtles eyes, his teeth bared to the floor tightly. It wasn't as painful as he was making it appear. In fact, Leonardo loved this. The pain was so soothing. It was his own bodies reaction to make him appear the way he was._  
_But Leonardo knew how he felt. And inside, he felt majorly at peace._

_The eldest's vision began to blur harshly, his body just behaving on its own. He threw his hands to the floor, weakly holding himself up as he wretched all over the floor multiple times. Coughing in pain, Leonardo fell hard on his plastron, gasping for air, not bothering to care about the huge thud he had made._  
_'They don't care. They shouldn't care. No one should care about me. I deserve to die, that's all I'm good for.'_

_With that last thought, the blue clad turtles vision blacked._

*****^*****

Donatello stared blankly at the wall memories of that day still sprinting through his mind. He had found Leonardo on the bathroom floor that afternoon. His expression was purely blank and held no sign of caring that his brother was half dead on the cold stone floor. The immediate youngest had simply picked up his brother, and practically dragged him back to his room.  
Donatello had then through him on his bed, and heard a hard and loud thunk.

It was Leonardo's head for sure. But, Donatello didn't care. Didn't leave with any words. Just left him unconscious, with a bloody wound, and half dangling off of his bed.  
"Damnit, Leo. We are such monsters. I'm a monster. I left you there to die. But you had one last strength to keep you alive...but...the consequences were dire. You lost your sight. You lost you appetite and will to hydrate yourself."

Donatello stroked Leonardo's plastron as he spoke to him.  
"The time you bumped your head when I threw you on your bed, left you with a scar."  
The olive green brother reached behind his eldest's head to feel the stitching marks from a little bit back.  
"Your strength disappeared. And that was the most painful thing to see. To see you become so weak, you couldn't even pick up your swords. So weak you couldn't stand on your own. How did you manage, big brother?"

*****^*****

_Donatello walked casually through the lair, a book in one hand, and a coffee mug held in the other. The young turtle was making his way towards the kitchen, when he heard the sound of silent sobbing. Its strange, he always knew when one of his brothers were in distress or struggling. Its just something Leonardo and him had in common._  
_The purple masked brother walked gently over to the Dojo, being were the distressing sounds were coming from, and peeked through._

_What he saw, literally broke his heart. And bad. Leonardo was deeply hunched over, his body facing Donatello and oblivious to his presence. The eldest had tears streaming down his face, his face twisted in agony and sadness as he tried hopelessly to pick up his swords._  
_"Please, G-d. Please don't do this to me. I-I can't be a f-failure."_

_Tears began to fill the brim of Donatello's eyes, his heart quenching so painfully as he watched his big brother struggle. That is when he noticed the...changes in Leonardo. As Donatello got closer, his brothers arms were the first thing he noticed. There were cuts completely covering his arms; some deep, and some even deeper._  
_Leonardo still didn't notice his little brother coming closer towards him. He couldn't even focus._

_His swords were so heavy._ _He_ was_so heavy. He couldn't pick up his swords due to their weight, let alone stand on his own. Only seconds more passed before Leonardo felt a weight on his shoulder, causing him to jump hard and fling himself backward, only to come face to face with Donatello. Leonardo stared with wide eyes for a long time, breathing heavily._  
_"D-Donnie...?"_

_Donatello allowed the tears he was holding, fall heavily, the pain quenching his heart more than anything. Confronting his brother. Its going to be so hard._

Sorry about the late update. Its not easy typing on an Iphone :) Read and Review and tell me what you think. My Goal is to at least reach 20 reviews. By the way, I though about putting the story in the middle this time, if that's Ok with any of you. Thanks guys!


	4. What ut was to remember

_Leonardo panted deep, but slowly as he stared at his immediate youngest brother. Sweat began to form in small droplets around his whole body, his breathing becoming much faster as Donatello approached closer._

_ "S-stop! St-stay where you are."_

_ Donatello allowed his tears to pour out even more as he heard the struggle and stutter in Leonardo's raspy voice._

_ "Leo...y-your arms. What happened to your arms?"_

_The immediate youngest was kneeling in front of his big brother, genuine concern flowing through his veins. Leonardo was backed up as far away from Donatello as he could be, his eyes wide, and tears spilling down his face. The Bo wielder was reaching out for Leonardo's arm, slowly approaching it more and more, hoping the eldest wouldn't notice._

_ But once he saw Donatello was about to touch his AMRS, he completely lost his mind. Leonardo lashed out and slapped_ _his brothers hand away, hard, as he cried out in anger and fear. More tears only piling and spilling._

_ "DON'T TOUCH ME! I TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY! WHY WON'T ANYONE LISTEN TO ME!"_

_ Donatello stared into his brothers angry, terrified eyes, his lips parted slightly as he refused to stop. It wasn't that he wasn't listening to his eldest. It was just that the immediate youngest could see that Leonardo was hurt. And he was hurt VERY bad. It was_ _only when Donatello actually made skin-to-skin contact with Leonardo, that made the eldest spring up and run passed his brother._

_ The purple clad turtle stared at the place his Niss-an once sat, his hand still hovering over._

_ The bumps of badly healed cuts were burned into his feel, it caused him to shiver harshly. Donatello shot his head around as he heard a loud thud_. _The youngest gasped and immediately got himself on his feet as he saw his brother on the floor of the dojo. Leonardo weakly held himself up by his wobbling arms._

_ The eldest grunted in pain as he tried so hard to stand on his own. _

_ "I can't do it. I can't do it. I'm a failure!"_

_ Leonardo gasped for breath as he sobbed heart-brokenly. His strength composure fell as he tried to drag himself over to a wall...but couldn't make it. The eldest cried out in pain and pure sadness as his self inflicted wounds stretched painfully. Many beginning to_ bleed. _Leonardo weakly reached in his belt for his Kunai, brought it to his arm, and sliced away, the pain being all too relieving. But he deserved this. For being weak and a failure to his brothers._

_ Donatello gasped loudly as he practically flew over to his brother._

_The purple masked turtle immediately snatched the weapon from his eldest's grasp, only getting a reaction of panic as Leonardo's reflexes were quick and he tried to take it back. Donatello flipped his big brother over, and sat on the once, forest green turtles plastron, trying to stop, or even calm his thrashing._

"Your my brother Leo. I wasn't just supposed to do nothing. The cuts on your arms were so deep, I'm surprised many didn't reach the bone. But when I saw you fall to the floor, and tried with everything you could to pick yourself back up...my love immediately returned for you. I ran through all of my mistakes on the way I treated you during that period of time, and realized I was the failure.

I was about to get up and help you...b-but..then I saw you take out a Kunai...and start to

Punish yourself for not being able to get up. I couldn't hold myself back anymore. I had to go to you. I just can't believe it took me so long to grow back to the fact that I didn't want to lose you. That I DON'T want to lose you. Your like my mother, Leo. Your OUR mother. We don't want ANYTHING to happen to you. But it didn't stop there. It only stopped when you fell limp under my weight. I should had realized; that with you not even being able to pick yourself up from the ground

I would be too heavy."

_Leonardo thrashed violently under his younger brothers weight. It seemed as if Donatello had weighed 5 tons. The eldest tried hopelessly to get air into his lungs, but his purple masked one was preventing that. He would have said something, anything to get him off, but it was no use. He couldn't even make a sound. And it didn't help either because Donatello was oblivious to crushing him. It wasn't for another 15 seconds did Leonardo's vision go black and he fell limp. It was all blank from there._

Donatello, again left himself in silence as he thought over his memories. As he laid next to his brothers body and thought, he began to think over how much they really appreciated him in the passed. Leonardo was at least 18 now. Well he would be tomorrow, and all of his brothers were going go stay in the med bay with him, and celebrate in silence. Just to sit in silence and glorify over their down brother.

"Leo, I remember a time when we were about 16, going on 17. And after a mission you had sent just us three on, you were the only thing on all of our minds. We didn't know why, but none of us wanted nothing

More than being engulfed in your arms after that mission. Not even Raph refused."

_Leonardo sat calmly in a meditative position, his head held high as he slowly took in a deep breath, and released it with ease. The eldest had his eyes gently closed shut as he was about to enter into a calm state, until the front lair entrance practically busted open, causing him to jump slightly and get to his feet. What surprised him greatly was the fact that he IMMEDIATELY saw his brothers only a few seconds after the door opened._

_ All three of his siblings came in, one looking haunted, the other looking overwhelmed with stress and anxiety, and the other with tears pouring down his face. Leonardo's eyes widened slightly as he was about to speak, but 3 sets of arms suddenly embraced him tightly, each pair of arms not planning on letting up anytime soon. The eldest was now worried, for his brothers NEVER done this to him before._

_ "Guys? Are you ok? What happened?"_

_ No one responded, but two pairs of arms released him, one stayed firm. Leonardo wrapped his arms around his baby brother, rubbing his shell softly as Michelangelo_ _sniffed in sadness. The youngest looked up from Leonardo's chest and stared into his pearl black eyes and said:_

_ "...Leo...big brother...m-mom"_

_ Before placing his face back in his chest._

_ Leonardo gasped, his eyes really widening. Had that been the problem? Had his siblings maybe seen their mother on the mission he had sent them on? As if reading his eldest's thoughts, Raphael smiled sadly._

_ "Nah, bro. We didn't see our mother. There's ain' no chance we could find her anyway. We jus'..."_

_ Raphael sighed as he walked over and grabbed Leonardo's hand, held it tightly in his grasp,_

_And dug his face in the crook of his big brothers neck._

_ "We jus' really missed ya big brothah."_

_ Donatello walked behind his eldest and rested his head on the back of Leonardo's neck, his arms raising and wrapping around his waist as he snuggled deeper into his big brother. _

Other memories began to fill Donatello's mind. Painful memories. Memories that could make his guilt eat him alive and whole. It seemed as if; every good memory he tried to have about his brother, another one about how his condition came to be, shot in his mind hard and merciless.

"Leo...nothing good came with what happened. Not ONE thing. Starving and cutting yourself was one thing, but...then you started to become very sick. VERY ill."

Donatello knew all of the memories he let fly through his mind were bad, and heartbreaking to see. But this particular memory was the most painful for all four of them.

Sorry, I'm slow. But I'm a little nervous. I have an audition for "The Voice" today, so wish me luck. I'm going to need it. :) but anyways. Here's the 4th chapter. Read and Review then tell me what you think. This particular chapter is sort of brotherly fluff. Kind of.

Does anyone have any ideas for the next chapter?


	5. Authors note

Authors note:

Hello my Fanfiction children. I am unhappy to inform you that I was not able to audition. I couldn't even get through the door. But next year when it comes, I will not fail in making you proud. Thank you for believing in me, and I wish all of you wonderful lives. But this one failed audition isn't going to bring me down. :D


	6. The Worst of It

_The Worst of It_

_Leonardo sprang up fast from his troubled sleep, his body shaking miserably. Sweat poured from his forehead as he tried to put his vision back in focus. The pale turtle gasped in pain as he threw his hand up to clutch his head. Damn, his head was POUNDING. It hurt so bad, nearly taking his breath away. The eldest plopped himself back on his shell, hissing in pain as a huge wave of dizziness and pain crashed into his cranium._  
_ Leonardo stared blankly at his ceiling, his thoughts racing as he took shallow breaths._

_ The eldest brother truly couldn't pinpoint why, no matter what which way; why his life was so miserable. Every person he knew, which was only a select few at the most, would always be against him in some kind of way. Even Michelangelo, believe it or not. Leonardo loved every single person he knew. But the problem was; no one like him. They loved him, yes. But only because they had to, really. But when it came to liking him, it couldn't be done._  
_ No matter what he did._

_ Leonardo knew it was bad, but he had just brought himself back into the horrible habit of cutting himself. He hadn't done that since he was around 8 years old. 10 years of not cutting. But many series of events just broke his composure. He wouldn't lie, he had be been wanting to cut sometimes during those 10 years. At times, the eldest had actually picked up a knife and put it to his wrist if the pressure became too much, but managed to restrain himself every time._

_ But his brothers words had broke him like the most delicate of Fine China, and he began cutting with little hesitation. And he did it bad. He would cut deeply on his arms and legs, where most of his cuts were located. 99.9% of them were the deepest he could make them without bleeding to death, or reaching the bone. And there were the cuts on the most sensitive part of his body. The sides of his plastron._  
_ Cutting there was absolutely unbearable each time he did it. Which is why he cut himself there anyway._

_ The pain he gave himself was a form of punishment for everything he had failed his brothers for. Any fight that he had with Raphael. Any time he turned down time with Michelangelo or Donatello. It was simply for every failure he had ever committed in his years of life. He though It was hard to except, that being perfect at everything was the only way to get people to accept him, but it only seemed to push people further away from him._

_ He was only 18. What harm could he cause to anyone? Casey and April were in their early 20s, and they were the only people who actually liked him. No words could describe how much he hated being leader. Why? Because everyone else hated him for having the authority. When he left, he thought that he had come back stronger. Much more of a role model to his brothers._  
_ But it only made them hate him even more than they once did._

_ Leonardo sighed as his thoughts ran through. The pain in his head had minimized, but not enough for him to not notice. The eldest held his forehead as he sat up and got to his feet. Dizziness shot through fast. Leonardo blinked multiple times to try and clear his vision, but the nauseation wouldn't go away. The blue masked ninja tried to ignore his deformed vision, but failed._  
_ The eldest fell to his feet just as fast as he got up, his legs trembling violently._

_ Leonardo narrowed his eyes as he tried to pull himself back to his feet, using every source of help to get back standing. The young ward managed to make it back onto his bed, but what strongly out of energy. It had been about 2 months since his brothers started treating him like mold, and he hadn't eaten since than. Being a giant mutant turtle, a turtle alone, gave him a large chance of survival without food or water for a long time._  
_ But it had its consequences._

_ One being, he no longer had the strength to hold himself anymore, and that was truly a terrible thing. But it wasn't something that Leonardo noticed. All the eldest brother wanted to do was stop being such a failure to his brothers, his children. Just a little ill is what he pulled himself off to be. The blue clad turtle raised his arms and brought his hand to his mask less face, placing his hand in front of his eyes._  
_ His appendage was just one giant blur. His light was on and illuminated the whole room, yet_

_ He couldn't see. Then, the most illogical thought came popping into his head. And he believed it._  
_ 'Perhaps its the fat you hold so much of, starting to block your eye sight.'_  
_ Not even bothering to actually stop and think of the absolute illogic's of that thought, Leonardo immediately sprang for the dieting pills on his night stand, popping 3-4 in hand, and downing the fast. And dry. The MAIN thing the bottle said NOT to do,_  
_ Which he did every time._

_ Leonardo sat and stared blankly at his wall, feeling the drugs work through his system. The eldest smiled as he felt the drugs begin to work through his system. In his 'Special' bottle; what he called it, the pale forest green turtle had a few pills of steroids in his bottle, always giving him an extra boost, since he couldn't stand on his own, or pick up anything. So his drugs did it for him. Leonardo stood up confident, that same smile still held on his face as he picked up his Futago no katana and strapped them professionally to his shell._

_ The steroids popped in Leonardo's 'Special Bottle', always gave him the strength that he "knew" he possessed. The steroid ls even managed to build his sight back up, giving him better sight than he did. His steroid also, always took away the major pain he had in his head 24/7. His weight loss pills took away any unwanted fat, which was all of his fat in his mind._

_ Leonardo strolled down the hallway, completely avoiding the kitchen, where all of his brothers watched him happily stroll by. Raphael glared massively, while Michelangelo laughed at how 'stupid' his eldest brother was. Donatello on the other hand, did not hesitate the look of concern as his brother passed by. The immediate youngest had noticed some SERIOUS changes in his eldest brother. For one thing, his skin tone was WAY off._

_ Not being girly in any way, but he knew his brothers mainly by their skin tone. Raphael had a dark emerald hue to his skin that was, he had to admit, very beautiful. His hot-headed brother's skin always reminded him of diamond. Michelangelo had light smooth green skin that always reminded Donatello of cream. But Leonardo's skin tone was always a perfect green. Like the green of trees from a foreign and crystal forest._

_ But now, Leonardo's skin was almost a shade lighter than Michelangelo. And the youngest was, indeed, the lightest of them all. It wasn't only the eldest's skin that Donatello noticed either. For one thing, Leonardo's eyes were also another concern to him. His Pearl black gems were no longer filled with determination and that unique fire that made Leonardo...Leonardo. But now, his eyes were always hazed and unfocused. Always filled with pain._

_ It was a shame, for Donatello was the only one who cared about their brother anymore. And Leonardo couldn't be left alone anymore, especially with the different...occurrences, the eldest suffered. Leonardo was just...out of it now. He was staring off into space when he is alone, and never moved anywhere. But Donatello knew why that was. He remembered that night when his big brother was in the dojo, and he couldn't pick up his swords, let alone stand on his own._

_ What Donatello couldn't understand, was why Leonardo was actually WALKING past the kitchen, like he never had the problem in the first place. Nor could he understand why his brother was going to the dojo when the didn't have training, plus Master Splinter was on a 9 month trip to Japan. Donatello sighed as he lowered his head away from the entrance of the kitchen. About a half-hour passed, and both Raphael and Michelangelo had left the kitchen, but he hadn't seen Leonardo come back._

_ Something wasn't right, and Donatello could feel it. He could HEAR Leonardo hard, labored breathes from the kitchen. His brother was basically gasping for air, and he could hear it. It wasn't until Donatello was about to leave the kitchen to at least go check up on Leonardo, did he hear the most pain filled, choked scream coming from the direction of his big brother._

_ *****^*****_

**Yeah, ok. this is a pretty short chapter and I'm sorry :( If any of you are confused or anything, Review and tell me what the issue is. And yes, I know a lot of you are probably thinking this is only a Leonardo and Donatello based story. It is so far, I'm not gonna lie, but it will involve all four of our favourite brothers, so don't ya'll worry yer pretty and handsome heads off. Oh, by the way, Some people actually gave me a few ideas for the next chapter, and if anyone else had any ideas, PLEASE tell me. All of my readers, and DEFINITELY my reviewers are making me so happy. Thank you so much for being such an awesome crowd. Give me your ideas for the next chapter. :) Read & Review**


	7. Author's note

Authors note:  
DUDES! DUDES! DUDES! I am SO FREAKIN SORRY! But I'm headin' out for Vacation for a bit and I won't be able to update. Buuut, when i get back, i will get right on that for all of you lovely people.  
Oh and one more thing. Review and tell me your ideas for the next chapter. I will at least have internet.  
Love all of ya

~Supermariolover56


	8. I'm leaving you

I'm leaving you

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

_Donatello flew up from his seat, and immediately set his course for the dojo. Once there, the immediate youngest stopped hard at the entrance, shocked and terrified at what he saw. Leonardo was on his knees, his swords laid abandoned at his sides, clutching his chest in agony. His teeth were bared painfully at the floor as choked screams came from his throat._  
_"Oh, G-d. LEO!"_  
_Donatello was immediately at his brothers side, one hand on his shell, the other hovering under Leonardo's mouth._

_Donatello was panicked. Never had he had to deal with something like this before. And he wasn't even sure what was wrong. A heart attack? G-d, he hoped not. Leonardo was too young. He was only 18, and he never drank or smoked before. Could it be a stroke, or a sudden spasm in the heart? Donatello was now just making things up, trying to find every possible outcome that could lead to this._

_The genius turtle turned around, shocked to find his two remaining brothers with shocked and actually scared faces. Leonardo's sudden scream knocked Donatello's attention back to him, only to find his big brother leaning heavily against him, his eyes shut and his body unresponsive._  
_"L-Leo?!...LEO?!"_  
_Once again, the immediate youngest had no time to react as a sharp and sudden gasp sounded throughout the dojo._

_Leonardo laid against his brother, his eyes wide, and gasping for air. That pain...that horrible, agonizing pain. It was gone. Thank G-d it was gone. A sudden and terrified voiced shocked him out of his thoughts, olive green arms wrapping tightly around him._  
_"Oh my lord. Leo! Oh G-d! Oh, Leo, I was so scared! What happened, big brother?"_

_The eldest was quite confused at the whole situation, and was dearly shocked to find all of his brothers around him._  
_"Leo? what happened?"_  
_Leonardo then found himself glaring at Donatello, his eyes narrowing in anger._  
_"W-what..the hell..w-would you care?"_  
_Donatello gasped lightly, his eyes slightly enlarging._  
_"Leo..w-what do you-"_

_"Don't you DARE ask me what I mean! You guys are the WORST! I can't take this from you three anymore!"_  
_Leonardo struggled deeply as he tried to get to his feet, his knees shaking in protest._  
_"I just...I w-wanna..."_  
_The eldest pushed Donatello weakly off of him, barely moving his immediate youngest in his wake._

_Leonardo stood weakly on badly wobbling legs. His drugs were burning off so fast, and he didn't know why. They usually lasted so much longer. It must of been from the massive and painful heart spasm, or whatever it was. But it didn't matter. He wasn't going to sit there and be humiliated and belittled by his brothers anymore. The helpless eldest tried with everything he could to walk, but all strength failed him and he fell_  
_heavily and hard to the floor._

_Michelangelo gasped in instinct as he ran to his eldest brother, fear painted all over his features. He had never gotten a good look at his brother behind all of the ridiculing he had been doing to him, and the youngest was absolutely horrified at the results, for his brother was too weak to even stand of walk._  
_"Leo! Big brother are you Ok?"_  
_Leonardo feebly raised an arm to his youngest and used as much strength as he could to push him away._

_But the attempt was so undetectable and frail, Michelangelo couldn't pick up the message of his brother telling him to get away from him. He even grabbed his hand in his own, thinking that's what Leonardo wanted, yet it only pissed the eldest off more._  
_"Get...get your...hands off...off of me!"_  
_This time, The distressed eldest shoved his youngest with a lot more force and ended up falling right on his side,_

_screaming in undue anger and sadness. Leonardo put his hand to the ground, using as much arm strength as he could to pull himself up._  
_"I've done so much for all of you! I've taken care of you! I've been there for you! I even risked my life so many times for you; and this is the shit that I get back?!"_  
_Leonardo glared at all of his brothers with so much betrayal and hurt. He was so hurt and was making sobbing sounds, but no tears were coming. None at all._

_"Why are you doing this to me?! What have I ever done for you all to treat me this way?! None of you have any honour at all! Your heartless and cruel, and I've done nothing...n-nothing to you!"_  
_The practically paper white teen, pulled himself up enough to kneel on his knees, his arms holding him up. His head was pounding; something fierce. The lack of water and food, and just constant pills were finally building their way for his body to realize their harm, and began to fail on him._

_The lack of tears surfaced for the complete lack of water. His stick arms wobbled dangerously from the lack of food, training, or any sort of nutrients at all. His skin had lost, basically all of its colour from the hard lack of nutrients. He was dying and breaking apart right in front of his younger brothers' eyes, and it was all BECAUSE of them. Leonardo's heart beat at a horribly dangerous pace as he got more and more worked up._

_"What reason do I have to be here for ANY of you anymore, huh?! Why...why do-..."_  
_The turtle breaking apart stood to his feet, only to get heavily dizzy and slam into the Bo staff weapon rack. A huge mess and a loud noise came from the impact as Leonardo gripped his head and fell back to the floor. All brothers ran to his aid, reaching out for him as Donatello kneeled to help him, but Leonardo pushed them away._  
_"No! Get off...get off of me!_

_You all think I'm...I'm weak! You all..want me to fail. But I'm NOT! And I WON'T! And I'm not going to let any of you get what you want! I WON'T! I WON'T DO IT!"_  
_The eldest began chucking everything in his reach that had fallen on the floor with him, at his brothers, gripping his protected heart as pain increased from the rapid heart beat. Donatello ran to Leonardo's side, pushing him onto his shell,_

_and trying to hold against his struggling form._  
_"Raph, Mikey..mmph..help me!"_  
_Both siblings were at their brothers aid in a heart beat and Raphael was already pinning Leonardo's wrists above his head, careful not to snap them at the slightest bit of pressure, and allowing the olive green turtle to take over._  
_"Leo! Please stop! Your heart! Your heart can't handle this! You have to calm down, Leo! Please! Your heart can't handle this pressure!"_

_Sadly Leonardo wouldn't hear him, and was still lashing about harshly, trying with all of his remaining power to get out of Raphael's and Donatello's grips. He didn't understand. One moment, Raphael and Michelangelo were both laughing at him for no reason when he passed the kitchen, the next moment all of his brothers, especially "those two", were acting like they cared about him. Why were they doing this?_

_"No! I'm leaving and I'm never coming...coming back! You all hate me! YOU HATE ME!"_  
_The fitful, sobbing eldest continued to scream incoherently and thrash violently, trying to get away. Donatello winced painfully. He couldn't take any chances. If he didn't stop Leonardo now, his heart was going to give out. He could risk it. Quickly locating a pressure point on his neck,_

_Donatello hurriedly took it between his index finger and thumb, and pinched it hard, knocking Leonardo out in one instant. It was now deathly quite in the dojo. In the entire lair. And it was awfully painful. Each brother thought over their big brothers words. Guilt, shame and self loathing filling their souls. It was Raphael who was first to talk, his voice hoarse and breaking from the huge lump in his throat._

_"Dear, G-d. M'so sorry, big brotha. I'm so sorry. Please don' leave."_  
_Gripping Leonardo's hand in his own, and squeezing tightly, but carefully, the emerald turtle brought it to his lips and lightly kissed the knuckles gently, tears unhesitantly and lightly falling from his golden diamond eyes._  
_"Don' leave us, Leo...Don' leave me."_

Well dears, another chapter done. Sorry for the wait, and for how short it is. But anyway, Read and Review and tell me what you think. I can SERIOUSLY use some ideas too, for the next chapter because I'm kind of at a block. I really hope you enjoyed this chapter :)


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